(no subject)

[brightestlight]

I'm not very good with things like this. I try to be, to try and think that I'm some sort of writer, but I'm really not. Still, there's a lot of things that I've been thinking of telling you, that I've been hoping that I could tell you and that I'm not really brave enough to, I guess. Maybe writing will make it easier, or maybe I'll just throw this away, but I just want you to know some stuff, because I've been thinking.

It's weird, because it hasn't been that long even though it's been ages, and it's hard, because, you know, I'm supposed to hate you. I am, I'm supposed to think you're this horrible person who isn't even a person, because of everything that's happened. Because of your weird thing with Tyler, because of Jenna and Elena and everything else, but it's weird. Everything you've done, we've done. I'm pretty sure that the family of the guy I killed, if they knew - they'd think I was a monster. They'd think I was a horrible person. And you're so much more than just the bad guy, because you're sort of not the bad guy at all. We all do bad things, but I don't think you're defined by them.

I guess this basically boils down to the fact that you make me feel things that I've never experienced and that I've never had. You think I have this amazing depth that I honestly don't know if I do, but you believe in it. You talk to me about art and beauty and how much you want to show me the world, but it's okay that we just chill out and I watch the alien version of Dawson's and you draw. I've been afraid of this, of saying 'I'm done with Tyler' because I think it makes me a bad person. That I'm dating a guy who went off into the mountains so that he could find himself or whatever, but I found you and I like the person I am now.

This is long and rambley, but I guess it's just... You're awesome. You're sweet and giving and patient and not to be weird, but you're totally hot, but you're also so incredibly smart and you love the people you care about so completely that it makes me feel like I can't breathe when I see you tall about your family or look at them. You're not perfect, either, because believe me you can be the most frustrating man on the planet and sometimes I want to personally strangle you, and sometimes the possessiveness can be a little stalkery and you should work on that, but I guess all of this is me just saying that I love you for who you are, and I love you for the person you make me be. Which is weird because of the whole Tyler thing, but I don't care, because whatever it is we have, it's good and I don't want to lose it.

Just remember that there's somebody out here who cares about you, I guess. :) It's important.

Love,

Caroline