Caroline Forbes (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
brightestlight) wrote2013-03-24 01:45 am
brightestlight) wrote2013-03-24 01:45 am
Entry tags:
March 1 - The Visitor Center. A Girl's Gotta Eat.
Caroline doesn't know how to approach it.
She doesn't know how to say it, to ask it, but she sort of just ends up sitting next to Lauren on the floor, and she takes a deep breath.
And then another one, and her hands are sort of shaking because you'd think she'd learn. You'd think she'd learn. That she needs to bring blood with her, even though it doesn't last and she knows it's not going to work that way, and why didn't she think of this, that there'd be no people and no mammals and she'd be screwed.
So she leans her head back, and then says, really quietly - "I have to ask you something." And she's so hungry and she feels like she can hear Lauren's pulse because it's so quiet and she's closing her eyes really quick so she can take a deep breath. Another one.
"Mm?" Lauren glances over, a bit confused as to what the other woman is edging around. "What's up?"
Caroline bites her lower lip, her voice super low. "I'm not.... human." She said that first, rubbing her hands against her legs, her voice high-pitched and careful.
"Oh?" Her mind immediately racing, Lauren raises her eyebrow.
Caroline nods, and then looks over at her. "I'm sort of. I mean, I'm a vampire. A good one! I'm a good one." She felt like that was important, even though she didn't think that anybody else's definition of good one would necessarily apply to her.
"Ah. And you need... blood?"
Caroline pulled in a deep, deep breath. "I- I do. I mean- especially if we're going to have to fight... dinosaurs." She looked back over her again, her voice dropping even lower. "I can probably make it not hurt. And I can heal you, after. I just- I don't know what else to do."
Lauren nods; it's not a dismissive response, more considering. It's clear that while this doesn't freak her out, it's not 'normal', per se. "I see. And you don't have any... backups, I guess?"
Caroline cleared her throat. "I guess there's Abed," she said quietly, and she doesn't explain why she didn't talk about Logan. "I didn't realise that there wouldn't be... people, and blood doesn't keep. Like, I can't bring it down with me, it doesn't... keep, I guess- I mean, there's no animals, either. Not animals that aren't... lizards."
"But you didn't know that," Lauren says, raising her eyebrows. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I want you to be able to... do whatever it is you do. If you need my blood, then we can do that. Do you?"
Caroline pulled in a breath, and nodded, and she looked away. Her voice was small- "I don't eat people." She looked back at Lauren, and her eyes were shiny even as she smiled, trying not to look upset even though she was. "I don't. I mean, I drink blood from bloodbags and the replicators, I don't drink people, but- but there's not anything I can do. I- I need to eat."
And all she can think of is Erik. "Are you okay with that?"
"Yes." There are a lot of complicated reasons why, but Lauren figures she doesn't need to get into those right now. "If that's what you need to survive - as long as it doesn't incapacitate me. Then yes. I'm okay with it."
"No, it- It won't. I'll give you my blood after, all it does it make you heal. So, like, it's like nothing happened." She nods, and then takes a deep breath. "You want me to try and make it not hurt? I don't know if it'll work, but it might. It does, sometimes."
It's not exactly like 'nothing happened' - Lauren wonders how long this woman has been a vampire, to have such a naive view of things, but it's obvious Caroline is upset enough about this without having that little fact pointed out to her. "It's all right, you don't need to do that. Just tell me how much blood you're planning to take so I can make sure to follow it up properly." At least she has some bottled water and something that looks like granola bars with her - that would hopefully get her through the worst of any dizziness or ill effects.
"I-" She's never been asked that before, and, well, she's only fed from people four times, so it's not like she actually knows. "I don't know? I mean, you'll still be standing. And- and-" She bites her lips together, clearly uncomfortable. She's not going to tell Lauren how she'd drained that man dry, how she'd killed him back when she was new. "I don't drink until I'm full. I don't-" And she licked her lips. "I don't know how much, though, it's not like I can measure it."
Lauren frowns. "If you're going to be putting yourself in situations where you might need to drink from humans you need to know. Otherwise you're putting both parties at risk. When we get back to the station we'll figure it out, okay?" It's clear that Caroline's agreement in this is important, though Lauren hasn't threatened to withdraw her 'help' yet. "I know that it's easy to feel ashamed about this, but you shouldn't."
"I drink blood," she says shortly. "And I'd be drinking it from a rat or cat or deer or something if there were any. I don't drink from people." She takes a deep breath. "I have, before. And usually, if I'm not like, starved or anything, I could drink probably a blood bag breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and be fine." Well, 'fine' was relative - there was a burning hunger that just sort of hovered around her psyche, the sort of thing that says that she should be drinking, but she ignores it. She's been ignoring it for almost two years, now. "Forgive me if I'm not super okay having to have this conversation, I just- This is hard. This is really hard, and the last time when it was between me and starvation I tried to just freeze myself to death instead of eating anybody, so. Progress, right?"
And her voice is too high and pitchy at the end, because she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't talk about these things, she doesn't quantify them, because she likes to live in an I-don't-eat-people bubble, and all she can wonder is if Logan's watching this and if he still thinks she's a freakshow.
"I can talk to Abed. If you don't want to- If you don't want to do this. I understand." And she's not quite backpedaling, she's just wishing she could compel Lauren into forgetting this conversation ever happened and then go talk to Abed, but her compulsion isn't working the way it used to.
"I didn't say I didn't want to do this. I told you, Caroline - this is nothing to be ashamed of." Lauren's voice is low and gentle, like she's talking to a spooked animal or a frightened child. "And I mean it. I don't know the circumstances that led to you becoming a vampire, but I'm sure having it thrust on you was a difficult change, and it's okay to be scared of it. But burying your head in the sand over what's now a very important task to be attended to is only going to make it harder, not easier. So let's get through this right now, and then when we're back on the station we can start working out a plan for how you're going to deal with it in the future. Okay?" Her expression is genuine as she looks over at the young woman, her slim fingers intertwined as she waits for her answer.
"I'm not-" she has to force herself to lower her voice because everything Lauren's saying is the kind of thing that she's been struggling with and she's hungry and she's always been emotional and everything as a vampire is heightened and Logan's watching (when she upgraded him from 'maybe watching' to 'definitely watching' had nothing to do with her surroundings, and everything to do with her anxiety level.)
"I'm not... Look. I have a plan. I have a plan , okay? If there's a choice, I don't eat people for breakfast. If there isn't a choice, I don't kill them. That's a plan." She's still trying to keep calm, even though it's hard, even though there's a part of her that she's ignored since day two that says she should have asked Lauren to check something out with her and drained her dry and throw her body into the raptor pen. It's the sort of thing she's fought and she's still winning because she's terrified of it.
"We can talk about it later, on the station. " She whispers it, because she doesn't want it. She doesn't want yet another person pulling her in a different direction, between Erik and Mystique and Bruce and Steve and Logan, with Klaus telling her to be herself all the while.
"All right." This seems to be enough for Lauren - for now, at least - and she glances around them as if to ascertain how private their seating is. "Then where do you want to do this?"
"Not... here." She pushed herself to her feet, offering Lauren a hand. "There's some offices that I passed on my way in, I- I guess I don't want people to see." And by people, she meant one person in specific, and given what she's said before it's not going to take a genius to figure out who.
"Okay. I'm just going to tell Abed where we're going, I'll just be a minute."
Caroline nods, even though she knows - or, at least, thinks she knows why Lauren's going to tell Abed, and it's not because there could be man-eating dinosaurs. Because it's what you did when you thought you could not come back, like telling your friends when you meet somebody off the internet, just in case they're a huge creepizoid and you end up in pieces in somebody's basement.
She blows out a breath and plasters on a smile - she's not Miss Mystic Falls for nothing, and she heads out to the hallway, holding the door open for Lauren when she follows. "I really appreciate this," she says with a smile, like everything's fine and maybe she's just a little bit self-conscious, instead of the fact that she feels like she wants to curl up and die right now. And she was hungry.
"Are you sure-" And she hesitates when they come to an office - it's locked, but Caroline looks back at Lauren for a second before she actually pushes, putting her hip into it, and she can feel it start to give. One more time and she's in, and well, well. It's not something that Caroline really shows anybody, ever, the whole feats of strength thing. "-that I can't make it not hurt?" Her hesitation is obvious, but her eyes flick to Lauren's neck and she forces herself to look away.
"Or try, anyway?"
"How would you do that?" Lauren asks, raising her eyebrows. She knows various methods of analgesia, but somehow she suspects Caroline is suggesting something more otherworldly.
"Vampires can..." And she trails off, closing her eyes for just a second. "Basically, I look at you, and tell you that you're going to remember what happened, but it's not going to hurt. And it doesn't. It's compulsion, and doesn't make you do anything else, and I wouldn't tell you to forget that I told you that or anything, it'll just... not... hurt. It only works part of the time, but I'll know if it does, or not." Her brows furrowed together. "I'm sorry."
She's saying it because it's going to hurt, because she has to do this at all - the whole thing.
"It's okay - but I think I'll skip the compulsion," Lauren tells her, beginning to roll up the sleeve of her shirt. "This isn't really a great time for anything to go wrong, so I'd rather be compus mentis if it does."
She exposes her forearm, then the crook of her elbow, then reaches into the small first aid pack she had brought to pull out an antiseptic swab. "This probably won't taste great," she says apologetically.
"Uh." Caroline's watching Lauren with wide eyes, and she's trying to ask a question, and she can't, because it's clear what Lauren's doing, even though all Caroline can think is what are you doing? And it bothers her, it bothers her more than she can really say, and she doesn't know why. No, she knows why, it's because it makes her feel like - she's a monster, that it's way worse than just being what she is. That she'll make Lauren sick, and it's weird but literally the only thing she can think of is junkies right now and it's not like she can say no, it's not like she can say that it's not totally cool.
It makes her feel like a monster or an animal or sick or some sort of drug user scary junkie and makes her think of her dad and how he'd tried to get her to stop wanting blood and torture didn't work and this girl that she doesn't know is just saying that it's totally cool, let me you know, make sure that I don't get any horrible skin infections or whatever from you biting me, and she can't even make it not hurt her.
"I don't want to do this." It would be so different if she could just tell her. If she could compel her, if she could say 'Don't scream' and that it won't hurt and she'd be fine, and Caroline would do what she needed to do and then feed her some blood so she'd heal and then let her go about her business, but it's not, it's this.
"I mean, I have to, because Logan and I are pretty much all there is between you and being lunchmeat, but I don't want to. I'm sorry."
Lauren isn't quite sure what to say to this - it isn't as if she's dying to do this, either, but she thought she was being a pretty good sport, all things told. "Listen, Caroline. I don't know how long you can go without eating, but dinosaurs or not, I don't want to see you starve. But you're asking a lot of me right now, so can you please understand that this is hard on us both, and maybe not make this so..." Her voice shakes for a moment, but then she's got it under control and she's moving briskly onward, "could you let me do this my way? Please?"
She's genuinely sorry, and she's nodding already, trying to look anywhere but where Lauren's doing her doctor thing. "Yeah," she says softly. "I'm not trying to- I'm sorry." She says it again, and she's trying not to get upset, because that's not going to help anything. She'd been trying to not freak out, and it's got her taking a deep breath, and she really really wishes she had asked Abed, instead. He knew what she was - she just thought he was better friends with Logan. Which, she supposed, didn't matter. He wasn't an idiot, he'd know that she got food somewhere.
"Whatever you need to do."
Lauren nods, and soon she's finished and is presenting her arm to the other woman. She has no idea if Caroline would prefer a different spot to feed from, but the wrist and neck are problematic, and while the upper thigh is probably the best bet there is no way she's taking her pants off in the middle of a dinosaur-infested island, which leaves her inner elbow as the next best option. "Okay. I'm all yours."
To be honest, Caroline doesn't even know how to feed from the inside of somebody's elbow. It was awkward, and she just sort of stood there for a split second before she nodded. "Yeah."
And she's trying not to think about it. Trying not think about how she's gone back and forth, about Stefan, about the fact that she's been having crises about feeding from someone since day one, but all she can hear is Lauren's heartbeat and the woosh-woosh of blood and she just moves, her face changing. Her eyes are dark, lines where none had been before were under her eyes. She's unflinchingly a predator, now; it's something she can't escape, as much as she would run from herself, if she could.
When her fangs find Lauren's skin and she actually feeds, she's still forcing herself not to grip Lauren's arm in a way that would bruise her, and it's overwhelming - to have hot, real blood, and finally the hunger she's woken up with every morning and goes to bed with every night is finally sated.
Still, she doesn't lose her mind.
She doesn't turn into Stefan.
It's hard for her - of course it is, she's hungry and honestly, she could drain her and still drink more, but she stops because she knows she needs to, even though she's still hungry. She takes a deep breath, and then another, and then lets go of Lauren's arm like it's on fire, because she can smell it, where there's blood and it's right there but she's made the choice to stop. "It's enough," she says, and finally looks up at Lauren when she feels her face be normal again, licking her lips. "Thank you. My blood will heal you up, but it's up to you if you want it." Because Lauren's clearly got opinions, and so she's going to let her choose for herself.
Lauren's a bit woozy from the pain and the blood loss; she can hear her heartbeat in her ears, suddenly, and carefully takes several shallow breaths, pressing her hand to the inside of her elbow. "Sure," she murmurs, nodding. The fewer open wounds in this environment, the better.
Caroline nods, and she feels better - not about the whole thing, not about the antiseptic, about the elbow, about the lecture, but the gnawing hunger is gone and it was blood. Real blood, and that's why she bites her wrist and offers it, even though god knows if Lauren will actually be willing to take it.
"Is it topical, or do I have to ingest it?" Lauren asks with a slightly light-headed chuckle.
"Ingest, sorry. I know that's weird, it's just... I mean, it's what you have to do." Caroline makes a face, and there's blood dripping down her wrist, even though the wounds are starting to close.
"Right." The doctor steps closer, taking Caroline's arm in her hands and leaning down a little closer, though her body language is obviously awkward and uncomfortable. Resolutely she manages to take in some of the blood, fighting the gag reflex and swallowing it down and then releasing the other woman's arm and stepping back all in one motion. "Thank you," she murmurs, reaching up to wipe her mouth with the back of her hand. If there hadn't been dinosaurs just outside the building this definitely would've qualified as the weirdest thing to happen to her today.
She doesn't know how to say it, to ask it, but she sort of just ends up sitting next to Lauren on the floor, and she takes a deep breath.
And then another one, and her hands are sort of shaking because you'd think she'd learn. You'd think she'd learn. That she needs to bring blood with her, even though it doesn't last and she knows it's not going to work that way, and why didn't she think of this, that there'd be no people and no mammals and she'd be screwed.
So she leans her head back, and then says, really quietly - "I have to ask you something." And she's so hungry and she feels like she can hear Lauren's pulse because it's so quiet and she's closing her eyes really quick so she can take a deep breath. Another one.
"Mm?" Lauren glances over, a bit confused as to what the other woman is edging around. "What's up?"
Caroline bites her lower lip, her voice super low. "I'm not.... human." She said that first, rubbing her hands against her legs, her voice high-pitched and careful.
"Oh?" Her mind immediately racing, Lauren raises her eyebrow.
Caroline nods, and then looks over at her. "I'm sort of. I mean, I'm a vampire. A good one! I'm a good one." She felt like that was important, even though she didn't think that anybody else's definition of good one would necessarily apply to her.
"Ah. And you need... blood?"
Caroline pulled in a deep, deep breath. "I- I do. I mean- especially if we're going to have to fight... dinosaurs." She looked back over her again, her voice dropping even lower. "I can probably make it not hurt. And I can heal you, after. I just- I don't know what else to do."
Lauren nods; it's not a dismissive response, more considering. It's clear that while this doesn't freak her out, it's not 'normal', per se. "I see. And you don't have any... backups, I guess?"
Caroline cleared her throat. "I guess there's Abed," she said quietly, and she doesn't explain why she didn't talk about Logan. "I didn't realise that there wouldn't be... people, and blood doesn't keep. Like, I can't bring it down with me, it doesn't... keep, I guess- I mean, there's no animals, either. Not animals that aren't... lizards."
"But you didn't know that," Lauren says, raising her eyebrows. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I want you to be able to... do whatever it is you do. If you need my blood, then we can do that. Do you?"
Caroline pulled in a breath, and nodded, and she looked away. Her voice was small- "I don't eat people." She looked back at Lauren, and her eyes were shiny even as she smiled, trying not to look upset even though she was. "I don't. I mean, I drink blood from bloodbags and the replicators, I don't drink people, but- but there's not anything I can do. I- I need to eat."
And all she can think of is Erik. "Are you okay with that?"
"Yes." There are a lot of complicated reasons why, but Lauren figures she doesn't need to get into those right now. "If that's what you need to survive - as long as it doesn't incapacitate me. Then yes. I'm okay with it."
"No, it- It won't. I'll give you my blood after, all it does it make you heal. So, like, it's like nothing happened." She nods, and then takes a deep breath. "You want me to try and make it not hurt? I don't know if it'll work, but it might. It does, sometimes."
It's not exactly like 'nothing happened' - Lauren wonders how long this woman has been a vampire, to have such a naive view of things, but it's obvious Caroline is upset enough about this without having that little fact pointed out to her. "It's all right, you don't need to do that. Just tell me how much blood you're planning to take so I can make sure to follow it up properly." At least she has some bottled water and something that looks like granola bars with her - that would hopefully get her through the worst of any dizziness or ill effects.
"I-" She's never been asked that before, and, well, she's only fed from people four times, so it's not like she actually knows. "I don't know? I mean, you'll still be standing. And- and-" She bites her lips together, clearly uncomfortable. She's not going to tell Lauren how she'd drained that man dry, how she'd killed him back when she was new. "I don't drink until I'm full. I don't-" And she licked her lips. "I don't know how much, though, it's not like I can measure it."
Lauren frowns. "If you're going to be putting yourself in situations where you might need to drink from humans you need to know. Otherwise you're putting both parties at risk. When we get back to the station we'll figure it out, okay?" It's clear that Caroline's agreement in this is important, though Lauren hasn't threatened to withdraw her 'help' yet. "I know that it's easy to feel ashamed about this, but you shouldn't."
"I drink blood," she says shortly. "And I'd be drinking it from a rat or cat or deer or something if there were any. I don't drink from people." She takes a deep breath. "I have, before. And usually, if I'm not like, starved or anything, I could drink probably a blood bag breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and be fine." Well, 'fine' was relative - there was a burning hunger that just sort of hovered around her psyche, the sort of thing that says that she should be drinking, but she ignores it. She's been ignoring it for almost two years, now. "Forgive me if I'm not super okay having to have this conversation, I just- This is hard. This is really hard, and the last time when it was between me and starvation I tried to just freeze myself to death instead of eating anybody, so. Progress, right?"
And her voice is too high and pitchy at the end, because she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't talk about these things, she doesn't quantify them, because she likes to live in an I-don't-eat-people bubble, and all she can wonder is if Logan's watching this and if he still thinks she's a freakshow.
"I can talk to Abed. If you don't want to- If you don't want to do this. I understand." And she's not quite backpedaling, she's just wishing she could compel Lauren into forgetting this conversation ever happened and then go talk to Abed, but her compulsion isn't working the way it used to.
"I didn't say I didn't want to do this. I told you, Caroline - this is nothing to be ashamed of." Lauren's voice is low and gentle, like she's talking to a spooked animal or a frightened child. "And I mean it. I don't know the circumstances that led to you becoming a vampire, but I'm sure having it thrust on you was a difficult change, and it's okay to be scared of it. But burying your head in the sand over what's now a very important task to be attended to is only going to make it harder, not easier. So let's get through this right now, and then when we're back on the station we can start working out a plan for how you're going to deal with it in the future. Okay?" Her expression is genuine as she looks over at the young woman, her slim fingers intertwined as she waits for her answer.
"I'm not-" she has to force herself to lower her voice because everything Lauren's saying is the kind of thing that she's been struggling with and she's hungry and she's always been emotional and everything as a vampire is heightened and Logan's watching (when she upgraded him from 'maybe watching' to 'definitely watching' had nothing to do with her surroundings, and everything to do with her anxiety level.)
"I'm not... Look. I have a plan. I have a plan , okay? If there's a choice, I don't eat people for breakfast. If there isn't a choice, I don't kill them. That's a plan." She's still trying to keep calm, even though it's hard, even though there's a part of her that she's ignored since day two that says she should have asked Lauren to check something out with her and drained her dry and throw her body into the raptor pen. It's the sort of thing she's fought and she's still winning because she's terrified of it.
"We can talk about it later, on the station. " She whispers it, because she doesn't want it. She doesn't want yet another person pulling her in a different direction, between Erik and Mystique and Bruce and Steve and Logan, with Klaus telling her to be herself all the while.
"All right." This seems to be enough for Lauren - for now, at least - and she glances around them as if to ascertain how private their seating is. "Then where do you want to do this?"
"Not... here." She pushed herself to her feet, offering Lauren a hand. "There's some offices that I passed on my way in, I- I guess I don't want people to see." And by people, she meant one person in specific, and given what she's said before it's not going to take a genius to figure out who.
"Okay. I'm just going to tell Abed where we're going, I'll just be a minute."
Caroline nods, even though she knows - or, at least, thinks she knows why Lauren's going to tell Abed, and it's not because there could be man-eating dinosaurs. Because it's what you did when you thought you could not come back, like telling your friends when you meet somebody off the internet, just in case they're a huge creepizoid and you end up in pieces in somebody's basement.
She blows out a breath and plasters on a smile - she's not Miss Mystic Falls for nothing, and she heads out to the hallway, holding the door open for Lauren when she follows. "I really appreciate this," she says with a smile, like everything's fine and maybe she's just a little bit self-conscious, instead of the fact that she feels like she wants to curl up and die right now. And she was hungry.
"Are you sure-" And she hesitates when they come to an office - it's locked, but Caroline looks back at Lauren for a second before she actually pushes, putting her hip into it, and she can feel it start to give. One more time and she's in, and well, well. It's not something that Caroline really shows anybody, ever, the whole feats of strength thing. "-that I can't make it not hurt?" Her hesitation is obvious, but her eyes flick to Lauren's neck and she forces herself to look away.
"Or try, anyway?"
"How would you do that?" Lauren asks, raising her eyebrows. She knows various methods of analgesia, but somehow she suspects Caroline is suggesting something more otherworldly.
"Vampires can..." And she trails off, closing her eyes for just a second. "Basically, I look at you, and tell you that you're going to remember what happened, but it's not going to hurt. And it doesn't. It's compulsion, and doesn't make you do anything else, and I wouldn't tell you to forget that I told you that or anything, it'll just... not... hurt. It only works part of the time, but I'll know if it does, or not." Her brows furrowed together. "I'm sorry."
She's saying it because it's going to hurt, because she has to do this at all - the whole thing.
"It's okay - but I think I'll skip the compulsion," Lauren tells her, beginning to roll up the sleeve of her shirt. "This isn't really a great time for anything to go wrong, so I'd rather be compus mentis if it does."
She exposes her forearm, then the crook of her elbow, then reaches into the small first aid pack she had brought to pull out an antiseptic swab. "This probably won't taste great," she says apologetically.
"Uh." Caroline's watching Lauren with wide eyes, and she's trying to ask a question, and she can't, because it's clear what Lauren's doing, even though all Caroline can think is what are you doing? And it bothers her, it bothers her more than she can really say, and she doesn't know why. No, she knows why, it's because it makes her feel like - she's a monster, that it's way worse than just being what she is. That she'll make Lauren sick, and it's weird but literally the only thing she can think of is junkies right now and it's not like she can say no, it's not like she can say that it's not totally cool.
It makes her feel like a monster or an animal or sick or some sort of drug user scary junkie and makes her think of her dad and how he'd tried to get her to stop wanting blood and torture didn't work and this girl that she doesn't know is just saying that it's totally cool, let me you know, make sure that I don't get any horrible skin infections or whatever from you biting me, and she can't even make it not hurt her.
"I don't want to do this." It would be so different if she could just tell her. If she could compel her, if she could say 'Don't scream' and that it won't hurt and she'd be fine, and Caroline would do what she needed to do and then feed her some blood so she'd heal and then let her go about her business, but it's not, it's this.
"I mean, I have to, because Logan and I are pretty much all there is between you and being lunchmeat, but I don't want to. I'm sorry."
Lauren isn't quite sure what to say to this - it isn't as if she's dying to do this, either, but she thought she was being a pretty good sport, all things told. "Listen, Caroline. I don't know how long you can go without eating, but dinosaurs or not, I don't want to see you starve. But you're asking a lot of me right now, so can you please understand that this is hard on us both, and maybe not make this so..." Her voice shakes for a moment, but then she's got it under control and she's moving briskly onward, "could you let me do this my way? Please?"
She's genuinely sorry, and she's nodding already, trying to look anywhere but where Lauren's doing her doctor thing. "Yeah," she says softly. "I'm not trying to- I'm sorry." She says it again, and she's trying not to get upset, because that's not going to help anything. She'd been trying to not freak out, and it's got her taking a deep breath, and she really really wishes she had asked Abed, instead. He knew what she was - she just thought he was better friends with Logan. Which, she supposed, didn't matter. He wasn't an idiot, he'd know that she got food somewhere.
"Whatever you need to do."
Lauren nods, and soon she's finished and is presenting her arm to the other woman. She has no idea if Caroline would prefer a different spot to feed from, but the wrist and neck are problematic, and while the upper thigh is probably the best bet there is no way she's taking her pants off in the middle of a dinosaur-infested island, which leaves her inner elbow as the next best option. "Okay. I'm all yours."
To be honest, Caroline doesn't even know how to feed from the inside of somebody's elbow. It was awkward, and she just sort of stood there for a split second before she nodded. "Yeah."
And she's trying not to think about it. Trying not think about how she's gone back and forth, about Stefan, about the fact that she's been having crises about feeding from someone since day one, but all she can hear is Lauren's heartbeat and the woosh-woosh of blood and she just moves, her face changing. Her eyes are dark, lines where none had been before were under her eyes. She's unflinchingly a predator, now; it's something she can't escape, as much as she would run from herself, if she could.
When her fangs find Lauren's skin and she actually feeds, she's still forcing herself not to grip Lauren's arm in a way that would bruise her, and it's overwhelming - to have hot, real blood, and finally the hunger she's woken up with every morning and goes to bed with every night is finally sated.
Still, she doesn't lose her mind.
She doesn't turn into Stefan.
It's hard for her - of course it is, she's hungry and honestly, she could drain her and still drink more, but she stops because she knows she needs to, even though she's still hungry. She takes a deep breath, and then another, and then lets go of Lauren's arm like it's on fire, because she can smell it, where there's blood and it's right there but she's made the choice to stop. "It's enough," she says, and finally looks up at Lauren when she feels her face be normal again, licking her lips. "Thank you. My blood will heal you up, but it's up to you if you want it." Because Lauren's clearly got opinions, and so she's going to let her choose for herself.
Lauren's a bit woozy from the pain and the blood loss; she can hear her heartbeat in her ears, suddenly, and carefully takes several shallow breaths, pressing her hand to the inside of her elbow. "Sure," she murmurs, nodding. The fewer open wounds in this environment, the better.
Caroline nods, and she feels better - not about the whole thing, not about the antiseptic, about the elbow, about the lecture, but the gnawing hunger is gone and it was blood. Real blood, and that's why she bites her wrist and offers it, even though god knows if Lauren will actually be willing to take it.
"Is it topical, or do I have to ingest it?" Lauren asks with a slightly light-headed chuckle.
"Ingest, sorry. I know that's weird, it's just... I mean, it's what you have to do." Caroline makes a face, and there's blood dripping down her wrist, even though the wounds are starting to close.
"Right." The doctor steps closer, taking Caroline's arm in her hands and leaning down a little closer, though her body language is obviously awkward and uncomfortable. Resolutely she manages to take in some of the blood, fighting the gag reflex and swallowing it down and then releasing the other woman's arm and stepping back all in one motion. "Thank you," she murmurs, reaching up to wipe her mouth with the back of her hand. If there hadn't been dinosaurs just outside the building this definitely would've qualified as the weirdest thing to happen to her today.